Breathing The SSDD Mantra

chronicling the raves and rants of a narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard in orgiastic moans recluse as he drifts to the SSDD mantra... life can be boring, especially if you're bland to begin with. the world is round and it can make you a fool if you let it. stab the snooze. make a mark. crawl out of your TV celluloid and live a wicked life. because life's a bitch and you have to be a bitchier fuck-me-Freddy to live. viva la vida!

Para sa Utol Kong si Sean*

November 10, 2008

Congrats! Engineer ka na!

Hindi ko pinagsisisihan ang desisyon kong ipagpaliban ang pagrereview ko para makapagtapos ka ng pag-aaral. Wala akong pagsisisi na naging call boy ako una sa Baguio at ngayon dito sa Makati para makapagtapos ka at makapagreview sa Maynila. Maski na alam kong sa lampas isang taong pagkagapos ko sa pagiging hilaw kong Amerikano sa telepono eh di malayong makalimutan ko na ang pinag-aralan ko sa Accounting. Okay lang ‘yon. Mas mahalaga sakin na makapagtapos ka at maabot mo ang mga pangarap mo. Sa pagpasan ko ng tungkuling tinalikuran ni daddy, pinangako ko na sa sarili kong mauuna’t mauuna ang kapakanan niyong dalawa ni mommy bago ang ano pa man. Na sa tingin ko’y natupad ko naman di ba?

Congrats! Engineer ka na!

Noong una, asar na asar ako kay mommy dahil hindi man lang niya tayo kayang pagsabayin. Nagalit ako dahil puro na lang siya salita. Naaalala mo ba yung mga panahong kababalik lang niya ng Pinas galing abroad? Sabi niya, pag-aaralin niya tayong dalawa sa private school. Sabi niya, maski anong school sa college at maski anong kurso ang gustuhin nating kunin, kaya niyang tustusan. Tayo namang mga uhuging kuting, naniwala agad. Pala, ang kahihinatnan eh ipupublic din ‘tong mga gifted neurons natin. Dami niyang pangako na puro pala bula. Kaya nga sabi ko sa sarili ko hindi pwedeng ganto na lang lagi. Nagsumikap ako para hindi mo na maranasan yung mga naranasan ko nung nasa college pa lang ako. Di bale nang magutom dahil wala akong pambili ng pananghalian basta may baon ka lang. Di bale nang saktong pandalawang araw lang ang dapat sana’y isang linggong baon ko para may maiakyat lang si mommy para sa allowance mo. Di bale nang di ako umattend ng acquiantance namin para lang makasama ka sa educational fieldtrip niyo sa Maynila. Di bale na ‘ko para lang sa ‘yo. Dadalawa na nga lang tayong mag-utol. Sino pa bang magtutulungan?

Congrats! Engineer ka na!

Sayang lang at hindi na naabutan ni Cool Granny Carmen ang napipintong tagumpay natin bilang mag-utol. Tanda ko pa. Sabi niya no’n, napakaswerte pa rin daw natin maski na nawalan tayo ng materyal na yaman sa pag-alis ni daddy. Kasi binigyan daw tayo ni Lord ng gifted genes para batakin ang mga hamon ng buhay. Dahil sa sobrang himutok, nasabi ko sa kaniya dati na kung na kay daddy sana tayo, kung pumayag lang si mommy noon, malamang sa malamang eh baka sosyalera’t sosyalerong conio na tayo sa Ateneo at La Salle. Alam mo ba ang sabi ni Cool Granny Carmen? Mauuna raw ang hirap kaya wag raw tayong mareklamo. Pasasaan ba’t sarap ng nakaririwasang buhay raw ang aanihin natin balang araw. Sadya raw ganun ang tadhana. Hindi ako kumibo noon kasi ayokong maniwala. Sa isip-isip ko, makabagdamdamin ang tinuran mo Cool Granny Carmen pero ang words of wisdom ninyo ay hindi makapagtatahan ng kumukulong sikmura at hindi makapagtatapos sa dalawang batang henyong pinagnakawan ng sandigan at kailangang kayamanan. Ngunit ngayon eh napagtanto ko na rin ang lahat. Malaman pala ang malupit na banat niyang yun. Iyon at iyon din ang naging kalasag ko sa tuwing tila tinatablan na ko ng pagod at pagkabagot at di-miminsang pagtatangkang isuko na ang lahat dahil sa tingin ko eh napakalaking responsibilidad ang sapilitang iniwan sa’kin ni daddy at di ko na kayang tiyagain pa ito. Kung nasaan man si Cool Granny Carmen ngayon, pihado akong matuwid sitang nagmamatyag at gumabagay sa’ting dalawa. Hawak ang isang boteng shoktong (paumanhin, hindi ko alam ispelingin ang pang-matandang alak na ito), may Cool Granny Carmen rest in world and eternal peace!

Congrats! Engineer ka na!

Pag umuwi tayo sa probinsiya, hindi na ako ang laging bida tulad ng lagi mong ikinayayamot. Pag-uwi natin dun, ikaw na ang bukambibig sa buong compund, sa buong block natin. Hindi ka na ma-OOP. Dati-rati, pag may importanteng lakad sa ating pamilyang extended, sabi mo laging ako ang sinasama. Ikaw hindi. Kasi kamo ako may trabaho, samantalang ikaw eh isang hamak na estudyante pa lamang. Pero ngayon…ngayon, ikaw na ang bida pag-uwi natin. Kasi licensed Electronics and Communications Engineer ka na. Sa madaling salita, mas bigatin ka na kesa sakin ngayon. LOL!

Congrats! Engineer ka na!

Ilang araw pagkatapos ng oath-taking niyo, magkakatrabaho ka na. Mabibili mo na maski anong gusto mong bilhin. ‘Yung hindi kayang ibigay satin ni mommy, makukuha mo na. Mapapalitan mo na yang cellphone mong lagi mong idinaraing sakin. Bibilhan naman talaga kita eh. Nag-iipon pa lang kasi ako. Sabi mo sakin, maski na yung tig-isang libo lang na fake Nokiang China phone. Ayoko. Kasi gusto ko, pag binilhan kita yung gusto mo, yung hindi ka mahihiyang ilabas kapag nagtetext ka sa daan. Ano na nga ba yun? N70 ba yun? Pero malamang sa malamang, mauunahan mo na kong bilhin yun pagka nagkatrabaho ka na. Di bale, bili na lang tayong laptop hane?Congrats! Engineer ka na!

Proud na proud ako sa’yo dahil may utol na kong professional. May mailalagay na rin tayong malaking karatula sa compound natin, yung may malalaking letrang kulay silver tsaka black sa parang hugis kuwadradong aluminum ata yun. Dinaig mo na nga talaga ko ngayon. Nung nasa hayskul pa lang tayo, lagi kang kinukumpara sa ‘kin ng mga teachers natin. Na siya namang kinaiinis mo. Kasi maski anong gawin mo, lagi na lang nakabuntot ang kadakilaan ng kuya mo. Hehehe. Lagi na lang si kuya, si kuya, ang nayayamot mo pang sabi. Ako lagi ang bida, ikaw  laging pumapangalawa. Maski na nung grumadweyt kang valedictorian, kakambal pa rin ang pagkumpara kung sino satin ang mas magaling lalo na’t pareho tayong nanguna at magkasunod na batch pa. Ngayon, nasa ‘yo na ang huling halakhak. Naungusan mo na ang kuya mo. Ikaw na ang nagwagi. Professional ka na eh.

Congrats! Engineer ka na!

Kung alam mo lang kung gano kasaya ang kuya mo ngayon. Lagi kitang binibida sa mga kaibigan ko, sa mga kakilala ko. Nung gabi ngang lumabas yung exam results, bangenge ako nun. Napatumba namin ni Pareng Gerald ang apat na litro ng Red Horse kakaantay ng results. Chineck ko ng alas nuebe. Ala pa. Balik ng apartment. Tagay. Tiningnan ko ule ng alas-diyes. Pucha! Ala pa rin. Balik sa bahay. Tungga ule. Nagtext ka ng alas dose y medya. Sabi mo, “Kuya, pumasa ako.” Naknamputeek! Nabasa ko alas kuwatro y medya na. Pero hindi na ko nakatulog nun. Sino ba namang kuya ang mahihimbing ule sa pagtulog matapos niyang malamang pasado na ang utol niya?

Congrats! Engineer ka na!

O yan, abswelto na ko sa’yo ha. Sarili ko naman aasikasuhin ko ngayon. Balak kong magresign next year sa pagiging call boy para paghandaan naman ang dapat sana’y matagal ko nang tinapos na propesyon. Magwa-wanyir review ako. Gusto ko kasing mag-top sa CPA Board. Hehehe. Tayog ng pangarap ng kuya mo no? Parang sarangggola ni Pepe. Yaan mo nang kuya mong mangarap. Malay mo, di ba? Patataubin natin mga nagfi-feeling-feelingang Ivy League schools dito sa Maynila.

Congrats! Engineer ka na!

Pero wag ka munang mag-aasawa ha. Kinausap ko na si Jon. Pinauna ko nang marami pa tayong pangarap para satin, para kay mommy. At naintindihan naman ako ng boypren mong Magna Cum Laude. Ba’t nga pala Bossing tawag sa’kin nun eh pagkalaki-laking tao. Laking bulas nga eh. Mas malaki pa sa ‘kin. Sabi nina Pareng Gerald, ala raw akong panama sa laki ng katawan niya. Sabi ko naman, ala sa laki ng katawan yan. Pag galit ang tao, galit talaga. Pareho ang tingin sa lahat. Sabagay, mabait naman si Jon eh. Alam niya yung hirap natin. Pero hanggang ngayon, hindi ko alam ba’t ikaw nagustuhan nia? Siguro, kapareho mo lang kuya mong makarisma. Wahehehe. Ayos lang sakin ang date-date niyo. Basta wag lang kayong gagawa ng bagay na ikasisira ng tiwala ko. Malaking bata ka na. Malaking bata na siya. Alam niyo na ang mali sa tama. Kaya behave ha. Higi’t lalong wag na wag kang magpapakita sakin na puro tulo-uhog. Good shot pa naman na siya sakin. Heaven knows I’ve done know wrong but Gawd knows what I can do. Hindi yan threat.

Congrats! Engineer ka na!

At congrats din sakin. Kasi sa wakas, magkakalablayp na ko! May pang-date na ko eh. Yahoo! Magpapainom ako!

 *Nakatutuwang isipin na si Jessica Zafra, ang tanyag na manunulat ng aklat-seryeng Twisted at kilalang kolumnista sa pahayagang gumagamit ng Ingles bilang midyum, ay nagsusulat din pala sa wikang Filipino. Bilang tugon, naisipan kong isulat ang kathang ito sa wikang bernakyular, bagaman at gumamit ako ng ilang piling salitang banyaga na mas maiintindihan kung pananatiliin sa orihinal  nilang baybay at mangilan-ngilang salitang kolokyal.

Pahabol: Oo, ang larawang kasama ng akdang ito ay larawan namin ng aking utol. Minarapat kong burahin ang mukha ko, hindi dahil duling ako o mayroon akong maitim na gilagid (maganda ang utol ko, magkapatid kami; kung marunong ka sa Math, may ideya ka na kung ano ang hitsura ko. LOL), kundi dahil mas gusto kong tago ang aking identity bilang blogger. Liban sa mga malalapit na kaibigang pinagtitiyagaang basahin ang laman ng pahinang ito, nakatitiyak akong anonymous pa rin ako sa mundo ng blogospera. Yun lang.

Posted by ssdd at 4:06 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

Attorney congrats sa utol mong engineer! naks

naalala ko ate ko sayo. malaki din kase sakripisyon nun para samin. sya tumayong ina nung nawala yung nanay namin saka ama na rin kase seaman ang tatay ko..

huwaran ang mga katulad nyong inuuna ang kapakanan ng mga kapatid kesa sa sarili.. mahal ko ang ate ko at mahal ko ang katulad ng ate kong mapagparaya mahal na din kita.. lols

imbitahan mo ko sa painom mo pag nagtop ka na.. goodluck sayo. saka congrats ulit sa utol mo.. :D

Posted by FerBert at November 16, 2008, 12:42 am

@sir ferbert: salamat ng marami.

minsan sa buhay mo, may isang bagay na hindi mo naman gusto pero darating pa rin para guluhin ang buhay mo na sa kalaunan pala’y gugustuhin mo na ring mangyari dahil nakapagpabago siya, maski papano, sa kasalukuyang pananaw mo.

whew! haba nun ah.

ito yung isang bagay na hindi ko pinagsisisihang gawin.

salamat din sa goodluck. kelangan kong mag-baon nang marami lalo na’t madugo ang cpa board. baka balinguynguyin ako. lol!

at hindi ko na rin pala binabalak pang ituloi ang kurso ko sa pagka-abugado. baka mabuwang na ko sa puntong iyon.

tapos na ang painom. naganap ang kampayan sa probinsiya. yaan mo sir ferbert, pag nagtop na ko sa board, iimbitahin kita. so help me god!

Posted by ssdd at November 16, 2008, 12:59 am

tol idol !!!!!

sa wakas yungmga hardships mo ay hindi in vain..ngbunga!!!

mabuhay ka!

Posted by peter_farter at November 26, 2008, 4:16 pm

@peter farter: salamat nang marami tol! honga. nagbunga na. akshuli, mamumunga pa lang. ala pa xang trabaho eh. hehehe. mabuhay ka rin tol!

Posted by ssdd at November 26, 2008, 4:52 pm

Wow late na yata ang pagbati ko..well sasabihin ko parin congrats sa utol mu ang galing nya.. pero mas congrats sau kapatid..u did a great job napakalaki naman ng puso mu hehehhe sana ganyan din ung utol ko pumasa sa Civil engineering board nya..not now kc nag-aaral pa lng xa kc naman eh piniling mag PNPA peo nawalan na ng gana kaya un umuwi ng probinsya ngaun engeenir estud nanaman ang bata. Congrats sau sana nga mag-top ka sa CPA board..so mauuna na talaga ako saung maging cpa??? wish me luck. Kaw rin pagdadasal ko na sana magtop ka sa CPA board ^_^

Posted by nitz at December 20, 2008, 5:18 pm

@nitz: hehehe. better late than never. salamat! salamat! hindi naman malaki ang puso ko. kung malaki to, baka atakihin ako sa puso ng di oras. bleech! ang korni ko. goodluck din sa utol mo te nitz! ipagdadasal din kita pag nagtake ka na ule ng CPA borad.

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ain't this friggin' narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard cute?

anonymous.jpg

 

A lot of people tell me I’m special. Of course I freakin’ am! You don’t have to stress the obvious. That’s being redundant.

 

I’m a friggin’ yuppie in his early twenties but looks even younger than his age, sometimes mistaken for a scrawny 17-year-old virgin and as such, I have decided to become eternally twenty to be on the safe side. I am slaving the ephemeral call center whoring job as of the moment but one day, I will become a fuckin’ proud CPA topnotcher. Being a perfectionist who does not conform to stereotypes and anything commonplace, I abhor senseless, pointless discussions by nitwits but adore intellectual discourses from remarkable geniuses in the same league with the caliber of my neurons and synapses.

 


I like wearing black shirts even if black is not a color and I love drinking Red Horse booze with pineapple syrup or GSM Blue enhanced by acerbic Sprite when the night is hugged by penis-shrinking coldness in Baguio. I am left-handed and I like to draw but that does not mean I am dumb at Math. Along with English, Math was one of my favorite subjects in high school. I love to watch anything shocking, gross and bizarre; in fact, I find scenes of decapitated heads and messy, blood-soaked innards oddly engaging. I think I'm eclectic.

 


When my half-Chinese dad chickened out, I got robbed of my childhood phase real quick and was forced to live out the family man title. That was also the time that I bade goodbye to the princely way of living in Manila and said hello to the clusterfuck pauper proletariat life in the province. Being the smartass that I am, I excelled academically and graduated half-wishing I had a worthy adversary in the mold of Einstein or da Vinci to sharpen my not-fully-developed cranial muscles. But if you ask me of my biggest achievement so far, I would have to tell you that’s when I sent my sister to schooling and saw her taking her oath as a Certified Electronics and Communications Engineer. I chose to put my dreams in the back seat for her, you see.

 


When I was still in school, I thought my seatmates were drooling retards and I was an effin’ superior child unworthy to be kept inside such a fucked up pig pen. For chrissake, I deserve something far better than those freakin’ bozos! So if I could choose who I want to share the claustrophobic classroom with, I’d pick Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, JK Rowling, Jessica Zafra, Patricia Evangelista, Conrado de Quiroz, Bob Ong and Scott Garceau hands down. They’re authors, if you’re that stupid, by the way.

 

I do not possess the vapid handsomely looks of dumb celebrity stars (they only have the looks but they don’t have that thing in between the ears, anyway) but I am not ugly either. I think I’m cute and as in my penis, my looks could be thrown up there in the above-average file. I am narcissistic and unsurprisingly, I find satisfaction in looking at myself in mirrors. There’s one flaw in my nearly perfect personality though. I am horizontally-challenged and that actually makes me less handsome than I should be. People have been telling me that had I been given a mesomorph frame, I would surely qualify as a handsome dork. Fine, I’ll hit the gym once I find the time. But then again, I’ve always been busy.

 P1170442 copy.jpg 

 

I love writing and someday, when I’ve already reached the stars and danced under stardust sprinkles, I will write the Great Filipino Novel that will put the Philippines in the world literary map. In the meantime though, I content myself with polluting the Internet bandwidth with fuck-me-Freddy rants and unlimited R18 invectives.


I am a narcissistic, angst-ridden bastard in orgiastic moans recluse and this blog is my first attempt in realizing my idiosyncratic world domination plots. There are currently almost 6.7 billion suckers lurking out there contributing nothing to society but vomit-inducing stupidity. Most of these people are worthy to be guillotined to death for harking out such idiotic yadda yadda's.

 

If you believe in this horrendous truth, then join me in ridding the macrocosm of these useless, pathetic twits. If you're the twit, though, go find someone to savor your last fornication on earth and then prepare to be annihilated. The world will be a better place to live in without you, anyway.



This is my blog. You either love me or hate me. Adding me in your blog roll list is fine but don't expect that I will publish your effin' you're-going-to-hell comment. And yes, I don't do ex-links. That's being pathetic. The blogs in my  blog roll are those that I peruse regularly and normally, I don't tell these people I've added them in the list. If you find that offending or for whatever reason, you feel it is an invasion of your privacy rights, just let me know. I'll scrap your site in the list real quick. Otherwise, consider it a form of flattery.

 

ON SECOND THOUGHT, I THINK I AM NOW WILLING TO DO EX-LINKS. ALL THESE BLOGGERS WHO WILLINGLY PERUSED THIS GOOD-FOR-NOTHING BLOG MADE ME CHANGE MY MIND. SO YES, YOU CAN NOW COMMENT USING A "NICE POST! EX-LINK?" TEMPLATE. HAPPY?

 

Caution: Breathing the SSDD Mantra is my idiosyncrasy in print. If you can't take the heat in this ranting oven, close the tab and  go screw your next-door neighbor's wife, you pathetic little twit!

 

Don't say I didn't warn you...

1_300566795l. jpg

 

douche bag diatribe unlmtd.

go friggin' plagiarize others' works instead

been harry pottered since the philosopher's and when the saga died down in deathly hallows, i got pottered just the same...sigh!

one effin' proof why pinoys are waaay more superior than their occidental brethrens in the history of friggin' humanity

shaving off the angst-ridden bastardness in me (play with my hamster using your mouse pointer)

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daily News newspapers:

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